We not only play a leading role in our stories but sometimes we choose to sit out in the audience too. That’s the thought I had this morning. We live out our stories, we make choices, and we engage with other characters. Yet, there are times when circumstances will tempt us to do more observing/questioning and less actual living. We become spectators instead of active participants. I’ve felt more like a spectator these last couple of days. I’m waiting to see how the current scene unfolds and how/if that might impact the next chapter.
Recently, I’ve had some strange health issues. Nothing horrible. But all of it does have me feeling different from normal. I went to the doctor yesterday. After hearing my list of grievances, he thought blood work would be a good idea. Now, it’s time to wait and see if there’s a reasonable explanation for what’s been going on. I know it’s not good to self-diagnose but I seem to be asking myself a lot of questions. What could this mean? Will it get worse? Will it get better? Will it go away?
Last night, I decided that even though I’m not feeling 100%, I needed to commit to a run today. Why? Because I don’t like this lopsided feeling going on inside of me, that feeling where I tend to retreat from living and go into spectator mode. I don’t like it when out of the ordinary circumstances tempt me to take more of a holding pattern approach to my day-to-day living. Yes, I understand that some times we have no choice. We have to wait. But today, like every day, I do have a choice on whether I wait passively or actively.
No more circling. No more waiting for answers to come. It’s time to go out for a run.
Update: Two (not so pretty) miles today. Good thing pretty isn’t the point. 🙂