I will be celebrating my 45th birthday this week. The one year anniversary of my dad’s death falls on this exact same date on the calendar. Recently, as I remembered the passing of both my parents, I thought a little about how different the grief journey has been this time around.
I would never say that grief and the loss of loved ones ever gets easier but I would say the “process” becomes familiar. There’s a strange sense of deja vu with the loss of my dad. I know about the waves.
I know about the highs and lows a heart will need to journey through in order to adapt to new normals. I know about the “something good happened, I’m filled with joy but there’s something missing” feeling. I know about navigating through that feeling and realizing my heart is reaching for the phone again but the people I want to talk to the most aren’t available.
My heart has been on this path before. I retrace the steps.
Beauty. I’ve been pondering this again. It’s the only thing that I have found (or maybe it found me) over the past 26 years that has helped me make any sort of sense out of the senselessness of loss.
Beauty has never left me alone or abandoned me. In fact, Beauty is the hero who has swooped in over and over again, lifting me up, carrying me, comforting me, teaching me, reminding me…Keep your eyes on ME.
Beauty doesn’t sit back and watch our pain. Beauty enters the mess, takes us by the hand, and walks the road with us. Beauty rescues us. Beauty guides us home. Beauty gives us the map again…each and every time our hearts misplace it.
debuts and finales
hellos and goodbyes
sunrises and sunsets
first breaths and lasts
heart breaks and heart swells
through the dark
rays of light
through the pain
glimpses of glory
in every season
strange and inconceivable for some
a lifeline of unbreakable hope for others
“We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It’s an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up his permanent post as high priest for us, in the order of Melchizedek.” Hebrews 6:18-20 Message