The movie Field of Dreams was on TV a few weeks ago. I’ve seen it several times before, but I decided to watch some of my favorite scenes again. It’s a great flick.
I love when Kevin Costner’s character, Ray, goes and tracks down Thomas Mann, first trying to force him at “gun” point then begging him to please attend a baseball game with him. I love the moment when Thomas Mann acknowledges to Ray that he heard the voice and saw the words on the big screen at the baseball game too.
I love when Ray’s brother-in-law finally sees what Ray and his family see. “When did all these ball players get here?” “Don’t sell this farm, Ray” I could go on and tell you more scenes that speak to me, but after watching the movie again this time around it was those two scenes that spoke loudest.
I love the reminder of the incredible actions we will take and the lengths we will go when we feel called to create something beautiful. Ray had no idea how everything was going to play out but he just kept moving forward.
This week I’ve had several field of dream type thoughts popping up in my brain. I posted this one the other day on Facebook and Twitter:
Pondering a Field of Dreams mentality: When you are passionate about something, you stay the course even when others don’t see what you see
And then this morning I posted this:
If you woke up this morning, then it’s not too late.
I’ve been a little down lately about dream chasing. This morning I took sometime to think about why. This move from NC to GA has impacted me more than I realized. As much as I’ve loved being a part of a new adventure, I have to acknowledge and accept there’s a part of me that grieves any time life heads in a new or different direction.
Once again, it’s the process of saying good-bye to one thing and stepping into a new “normal”. I can think back on a number of times in my life where these transitions have kind of taken me on an emotional roller coaster ride.
Obviously, the first time and the biggest time was the death of my mom when I was 18.
It happened again at 28 when I went through a divorce from my first husband and also began to live my life free from an addiction.
It happened again when the church and the church family I loved experienced, first hand, the damage of what sin and deception are capable of doing and the ripple of effects of pain it will cause.
It happened again when my dad had his stroke a year and a half ago, leaving him bed ridden and partially paralyzed. I said good-bye to my fiercely independent and always on the go dad.
In all these moments in time, I had to accept a new normal. It happens on smaller scales in our lives all the time. Life and situations are in a constant state of change. Things are dying and being reborn every moment. Grief and saying good-bye is a part of life.
I’ve noticed how adapting to new normals looks a lot like starting again. I’ve also noticed there’s a part of me that needs to take time to grieve the old…before I can fully accept the new.
So what does all this have to do with Field of Dreams? I really have no idea. I just know that the process of pursuing your dreams in the midst of trying to live life is hard. And yet, that’s the only way to do it. You have to keep living. Lately I feel like Ray. I keep getting up every day with a desire to build a field and I have no idea why. Is that okay to admit? I just know I have to keep building, I have to keep moving forward. I can’t sell the farm.
It dawned on me this morning that I’m 41 years old. (Yes, I know, I’m not the sharpest tool in the toolbox) If I’m blessed with a long life, then I might still have another 41 years on earth. My mom was 13 years older than I am now when she died. That’s like a blink away from now. I’m not telling you this to depress you but to remind you of how short life is.
I am reminded of another movie and another favorite quote.
“Getting busy living or get busy dying.” ~ Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption
I choose life.