Things have shifted in my heart over of the last few years. I’ve had to grieve the loss of some things that I can’t yet fully put into words. During the early part of this shift, I tried hard to resist it.
Just keep doing what you are doing. Just keep going through the motions until your heart catches up again, Eileen. It’s just a season, this too shall pass. Just keep your mouth shut, smile, and ride it out.
It dawned on me this morning that this season of physical distancing is just one more layer of isolation. Honestly, it really hasn’t been hard for me to adjust to this current season, I was already feeling isolated.
Needless to say, this journey I find myself on has shaken my faith… yet through all the tremors, all the unsteady foundations coming to light, there’s one foundation that I know I can always trust, one that won’t collapse. This foundation can carry the weight of all my doubts and questions.
I still trust Him.
I still trust Him even through the grief of saying goodbye to faith as it used to be. I’m so thankful that when I really don’t seem to trust or understand much else nowadays, I can trust Jesus. Over the years and this painful shifting season, He’s been the one unwavering foundation my heart can choose to come home to over and over again.
I am reminded of Peter when he replied to Jesus “Lord, where else would I go, you have the words of eternal life.”
There’s an All Sons & Daughter song that came to mind again the other day. Still pretty much describes perfectly this faith journey and this long obedience in the same direction.
“Lord I find You in the seeking
Lord I find You in the doubt
And to know You is to love You
And to know so little else
Oh how I need You.”