Who Else Needs a Punching Bag Today?

75006_10202088205791327_2009666482_n Picture taken at The Start Conference (Sept 2013)

Over the years I’ve noticed that my first response to my inability to understand something or do something tends to be deep feelings of insecurity.  More often than I like to admit, I can feel these thoughts welling up inside me when faced with a lack of knowledge:  “you are incompetent…you are not smart enough”

I saw this pattern play out again the other day.  I was attempting to figure a few things out related to my job and, immediately, that voice began repeating some of the same hurtful words it’s said to me in the past….you are not qualified…you might as well quit…if you were smarter you would understand. If you ask for clarification and help and the answer ends up being obvious “they” might think you are stupid for asking such a dumb question.

Turns out, I did ask for help and clarification and, guess what?  I had not been given all the pieces of the puzzle.  I was missing information.  There was no way I could have moved forward without those details.

Yesterday, after realizing that I had, once again, allowed insecurity to bully me around the big playground known as life, tears came to my eyes.  Why, Lord?  Why do I still insist on using myself as a punching bag?  

Then, I thought back on the times in my life when I was intentionally made to feel stupid and incompetent.  The first thing that came to mind after remembering these hurtful times was…”Lord, forgive me if I have ever done that to someone.  Help me to be sensitive.  Help me to never make someone else feel like that.”  

My second thought was the acknowledgement that this is only part of the problem and, really, at this point, it is only an excuse… I’m the one who is choosing  to allow those hurtful feelings to continue to take up residence in me.  I am the one who allows these lies to still have a say in my life today. (And I don’t say this just to have yet another reason to beat myself up. 😉 ) Instead, I say this so that I will remember the truth: I have a choice on whether I allow insecurity to walk all over me or not.  I have a choice on whether I become a doormat to this relentless bully.  And, most importantly, I have a choice as to which voice I choose to listen to today and everyday.

Some reminders for me (and anyone else who might need them) today:

I don’t need to fear the opinions of others.
I don’t need man’s approval.
There is only One who I need to please today.
I am accepted and loved by Him just as I am.
I don’t need to hide my weaknesses…He knows every single one of them and promises that it’s through those weaknesses that His light shines brightest.

Deep breath.

Today, I choose to walk in this Truth.

Thank you, Lord.

 

 

 

7 thoughts on “Who Else Needs a Punching Bag Today?

  1. Bill (cycelguy)

    Good for you Eileen! From what I see across the net, you have what it takes. IMHO. Glad you finally realized that truth and took it to where it belonged. What is even more intriguing is a boxer in a skirt. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      Ha! Give it time…I’m sure the whole boxing with skirt will catch on soon and I’ll be like…”I was boxing with a skirt YEARS ago!” 😉

      Reply
  2. Rick

    Only in Him will I be made complete. Only in Him will I be made whole. I’ve spent far too much time second-guessing and judging my insides by other’s outsides. Wanting approval. Wanting to be seen as the smart guy who doesn’t need anything or anyone – problem with projecting that attitude? People sensed it and avoided me because they didn’t want to be coated in the plastic I was so busy manufacturing (actually, I was a local BS distributor – no-one wanted to be coated in that either).

    Just like in prayer, ask for what you need for this day.

    Love your heart, Eileen! God bless, and don’t sell yourself short – there’s too many out there already lined up to do so.

    Reply
  3. Debra

    Eileen, how can I ever thank you for today’s post. Yesterday I checked out the reviews of the books I have written and found one negative one, I wont bore you with specifics, but the person said that if I was going to use scriptures in my books I should put a warning or *disclaimer* so those interested in the book knows. There were a few more things in there that upset me, but I emailed my boss asking a few questions ( I haven’t gotten a reply yet – its still early), and reading your post this morning, peace began to wash over me.

    I should not have to apologize, nor will I apologize for being God’s Child and using references He leads me to, and I don’t need to fear the opinions of others because its not mans approval I seek but Gods.

    one bad book review will not break me but allowing her comment to get to me and weaken me will.

    your message was perfect this morning in helping me to see mere man/ woman can not hurt me when ever I am in need of encouragement, you always seem to appear with the save that heals.

    If my boss didn’t like what I wrote I wouldn’t still be writing.
    Thanks Eileen,

    Deb

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      Debra, I’m glad it encouraged you. There’s just something about knowing that we are not the only ones that struggle in area that really helps. Isn’t it crazy how we can have lots of positive feedback and the thing we fixate on is the one mean negative. Must fix our eyes on HIM.

      Reply
  4. TC Avey

    Yes, life is about choices. I think Christians often forget how much power we have simply in our choices.
    I know I can get so frustrated about things, Thankfully God is showing me that while I can’t control the circumstances that bring frustration to my life, I can choose how I respond. That helps bring me peace, as I seek God and His love for each circumstance.
    I don’t always choose correctly, but God’s not finished with me. I’m a work in progress!

    Reply

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