Claiming Truth

“You blend into the wallpaper.”

These words spoken to me nearly two decades ago by a clinical instructor I had in college came to mind as I drove home from the She Speaks Conference on Sunday. The memory came first, followed by a bucket of tears.

As I drove up Interstate 85 reviewing the last couple days, I had one regret about the time I spent at the conference.

Lord, why do I still struggle with shyness and feelings of insignificance?

My one regret after leaving the conference was not meeting more speakers face to face. After each session, we were given a brief opportunity to stand in line and meet those who had shared with us what they’ve learned throughout their own speaking and writing journeys. Each time it came to this point, I would linger in my seat for a moment and consider going up to introduce myself.

Yet, each time, I convinced myself not to. I chickened out. I never had a specific question to ask them. I felt as if there would be others standing in line with a more important reason for being there. I also envisioned my introduction going about as smoothly as the scene in Back To the Future when George McFly introduces himself to Lorraine in the diner. Okay, I knew it wouldn’t go that badly but still…I get so nervous meeting people I admire. On the drive home, I pinpointed the reason. A part of me still has a tendency to feel not significant enough to be taking up their time.

Lord, why do I still struggle with shyness and feelings of insignificance?

I guess the point of this post is to acknowledge to you all that I am still healing. I still need to claim God’s victory in all areas of my life. I still need to replace these negative, destructive thoughts with His truth. If I am going to move forward to the next step, I need to allow Christ to redeem this part of me too.

On the trip home from Concord, the healing began. I could hear the Lord whispering these words in my heart and in my ears. “My child, you do matter. You are significant. Stop listening to those voices that try to convince you that you are anything less than a loved, treasured and valued daughter of the Most High King. I went to Calvary for you! And, I would do it again if I had to!”

15 thoughts on “Claiming Truth

  1. Kandi

    Oh gracious do I ever relate to this, I starting writing a post last night about my fear of living a significant life and I am struggling with it. I think you reached inside me today and pulled out everything I feel about myself. Shy, insignificant, unworthy. I think while we are living this side of heaven we are all on a journey of healing and learning.

    Blessings to you Eileen.

  2. My daily walk in His grace!

    Hi Eileen – Rom 8 v 37 says "yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Don't let the devil heap condemnation on you for not overcoming your shyness this weekend past. Next time take a step of faith once – and then the next time again. God is your strength and you were chosen – by Him –
    God bless

  3. Eileen

    Kandi and Tracy, thank you! More than anything, I think that the time spent in my car talking with the Lord on the ride home revealed to me an area in my walk where I am not trusting Him completely and fully. This relationship we are able to have with Him is a constant learning and growing experience. He is always revealing to us how much MORE He wants to offer us! If only we will trust Him.

  4. Jenifer

    Eileen, this is so very much me! On the computer or in text, I feel bold and confident. But in person, I feel like this shy little girl afraid of everything and everyone. God has been working on me in this area the past couple of years but it has been a very SLOW process and I am still far from being "there." God has also shown me that I am important. I am loved. I desire to find my confidence in Him. Thank you for this, it has encouraged me.

  5. Heidi

    Me too… feelings of insignificance and unworthiness still infiltrate my life! What a blessing that He doesn't let us struggle alone… that we have each other to relate to and Him to run to! I think we will always be on the path of issues unfolding and trust increasing. It's what sanctification is all about! So happy He revealed more truth to you and that you are trusting Him more! Blessings 🙂

  6. mandy

    This is so me too, He's still working on me but sometimes I feel so unworthy to be taking up anyones time it's gotten better but i still struggle. Thank you for this 🙂

  7. Eileen

    Jenifer, Heidi and Mandy thank you for your transparency! And, I like how Heidi worded it… "What a blessing that He doesn't let us struggle alone… that we have each other to relate to and Him to run to! I think we will always be on the path of issues unfolding and trust increasing. It's what sanctification is all about!" Beautiful, Heidi 🙂

  8. Lisa

    Eileen, this is something I deal with too. God is working in my heart and I'm learning to walk in the confidence that I am called by God. But it's hard. I don't see myself as anything special. So thankful that He does.

  9. Phather Phil Malmstrom

    I love those long, quiet car-ride-conversations with Him Eileen… Such a captive audience we become! 🙂

    What a wonderfully transparent and heartfelt post this was Eileen. God is obviously working diligently in your heart, and every step toward Him we take makes past hurt seem that much more insignificant.

    Thank you for sharing this with us!

    Have a Blessed Day!

  10. Eileen

    Lisa, so thankful He sees us as special too. And His opinion is the only one that really matters 🙂

    Phil, Very true. In the car alone makes us a very captive audience!

  11. Allison

    Oh sister, I was right there with you! I felt very out of place and way under-qualified to be there! I am shy too and if not for the lady I came with I'd have been in my room at all times unless sessions were going on!
    It was nice to meet you in person and keep your head up! You are called by God for a purpose that He'll reveal in His time!

  12. Kristin Bridgman

    Oh my goodness, you are singing the tune I used to sing. I grew up so shy and even today, although I don't feel shy, I am a quiet woman. I would rather be in the background than out in front. But I have learned to listen to the right voice and tell the wrong ones to hit the road. Sounds like you heard the right one coming home. . .keep listening to HIM! He is right 🙂

  13. Beck Gambill

    Eileen I so appreciate you sharing so boldly and honestly! Praise God for meeting your heart and gently shepherding, how sweet. One thought I'd like to offer. I appreciate people that think before they speak, are humble, don't have to take center stage, and have a gracious esteem of others. Just because your confidence and view of your worth heals doesn't mean your personality needs to change. My husband is an introvert in an extroverts world and has labored under expectations for years. I, an enthusiastic extrovert, have benefited from his humble heart. When he speaks it has more weight than someone who prattles meaninglessly. I hope you will realize that though you may not be as gregarious as others your contribution is valuable and adds meaning to others lives. Your personality is a gift and important, to be valued and not changed.

  14. *****Shelly*****

    Oh my…yes, I think this is something a lot of us can relate to. Thank you for sharing and encouraging. And God frequently speaks to me in my car, also…no distraction, no way out… haha! And by the way, It was great to meet you at She Speaks!! Next year we have to get a pic together! 🙂

  15. Eileen

    Allison, goodness we should have hung out more!

    Kristin, I slowly learning how to kick the wrong voices to the curb!

    Beck, I agree with the thought you offered. It's okay to be introverted and quiet if that is how God made us, but if it stems from fear and lack of trust then I think that is when God is attempting to get our attention.

    Shelly, it was great meeting you too. 🙂


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.