Worthy Pursuits

I follow Pete Wilson’s blog. He is a Pastor at Cross Point Church and the author of Plan B.

This past weekend their church launched a new series on marriage. The question he asked on his blog was this:

Whatโ€™s the number one thing that has been detrimental to my marriage becoming everything I think God wants it to become?

I read through the answers people had left in the comment section and one answer in particular stood out to me.

When I stopped pursuing my husband.

I’ve been thinking about that answer all week.

I think husbands and wives would be wise to regularly ask ourselves this question.

Am I still pursuing my spouse?

I think back 9 years ago when my husband and I met. When we were apart, I counted the minutes until we could spend time together again. I rearranged my day to make spending time with him a priority. It wasn’t an inconvenience, I was more than happy to do it! I would go out of my way to do things for him that would hopefully bring joy to his life and to let him know just how much I loved him. Just sitting in the same room together on the couch made me giddy!

We all know that much of the courtship feelings tend to go away at some point. Once we get married, spouses tend to get comfortable, kids come along and life gets busy and stressful. We tell ourselves that we will make “us” a priority once life slows down, once the children are older. Problem is…life never seems to slow down and as the children grow older different challenges crop up that seem to need our immediate attention.

Something else always comes up.

Then, we tend to drift. We tend to go through the motions and if we aren’t careful we find we have been drifting so long that we’ve simply become two people living separate lives but happen to share living space under the same roof.

I don’t want this. Do you?

I am starting to understand better why God compares our relationship with Him to a marriage. If we aren’t careful we tend to do the same with Christ. When we meet Him and fall in love with Him, we pursue Him! We organize our days to make Him a priority. We seek to get to know Him more and to understand Him better. We are content to sit on the couch and open His Word…because to spend that time with Him refreshes our soul, recharges our relationship and fills us with joy!

I desire this kind of marriage…with my Heavenly Father and with my spouse!

Restless in bed and sleepless through the night, I longed for my lover.
I wanted him desperately. His absence was painful.
So I got up, went out and roved the city,
hunting through streets and down alleys.
I wanted my lover in the worst way!
I looked high and low, and didn’t find him.
And then the night watchmen found me
as they patrolled the darkened city.
“Have you seen my dear lost love?” I asked.
No sooner had I left them than I found him,
found my dear lost love.
I threw my arms around him and held him tight,
wouldn’t let him go until I had him home again,
safe at home beside the fire.
(Solomon 3:1-5 MSG)

12 thoughts on “Worthy Pursuits

  1. Jenifer

    Eileen, this is really good and something I had been praying about blogging on soon. When we stop pursing our spouse, our marriage becomes stagnant, lifeless. I want to continue to do those things we did while dating. I want the anticipation of seeing him, hearing his voice, and cuddling with him. I want to pursue my husband. Great post!

  2. Kelli

    What awesome advice! Keep pursuing my man! I really needed that this morning. Sometimes I dont pursue him and I think he wants me to! Such a true and wonderful comparison to out relationship with God. He pursues us and wants our pursuit in return. Thank you for your words of encouragement all week!! Awesome posts!:)

  3. Kandi

    Song of Songs is such a great book of poems about love, it paints a beautiful picture of the celebration of the gift of love.


  4. Debbie Dillon

    This raises some interesting questions and advice. Thank you so much for your words of inspiration – also, thank you for visiting my blog and sharing in my praise ๐Ÿ™‚ Be blessed today!

  5. Heidi

    Eek… we need work! We are definitely in that phase of busy-ness and not giving each other the time our relationship needs. We love each other and we're definitely on the same team as we trudge through, BUT are we pursuing each other… not so much. Great encouragement and I totally agree our relationship with God is very similar to a marriage. I don't want either relationship to suffer due to neglect! Great post!

  6. Lisa

    This is such a good message, Eileen. Our relationship with God is very much like our marriage. We have to keep pursuing, keep seeking, and keep doing those things we did in the beginning. We should return to our first love. Thanks for challenging me with this post.

  7. Allison

    Thoughts to ponder over this weekend…no, I am not pursuing my hubby. He's kinda like an old shoe…oh my!

  8. Eileen

    Ha! Oh Allison, you made me laugh! Perhaps some of us just need to take baby steps…maybe he can atleast be your favorite old shoe ;);)

  9. Tiffini

    now that is a challenge Eileen! wonder what would happen if marriages began pursuing each other again…like in the beginning. Like you said..good! Lots of changes would begin to take place I am sure!

  10. todrawneargod

    Thanks for this post. I am reminded of my relationship with Christ and made an assessment.

    Man has a tendency to fall out of love. We know God's love for us endures forever. But how about us? Will we continue to love Him to the end? Many marriages end up in divorce because one or both fall out of love. God will never divorce us. We too must not divorce Him. We must continue to build our relationship with Him. Just like any relationship, we need to communicate with Him through prayer, devotional, reading His word. God always wants to speak to us. But are we willing to listen? God is always reaching out to us, are we too? God is holding us into His hands, but what are we holding on to? His hands or other things that has own our hearts?

  11. todrawneargod

    Have you seen the movie Fireproof? There was a line there that says something like this, "When a man court a girl to become his wife, he studies her. What she likes, etc. But after that the man stops learning about her. If your knowledge/relationship with her when you court her is highschool degree, you should continue to earn a college degree, then a Master's Degree…"

    I highly recommend it. God bless you.

  12. Phather Phil Malmstrom

    This was wonderful Eileen. I hadn't heard of Pastor Wilson before, but I ended up reading his site thanks to you and posted to the article you're discussing here. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Shannon and I actually figured out a few years ago that we had fallen into the "Married People with Kids" routine, and while all the deep-seated feelings for each other were still there, we were a bit stagnant as "us". We started making it a point to go out as a couple once each weekend, and finding ways to show our passion for each other on a daily basis. It's made an amazing difference in our marriage, and that's carried through to everything else in our lives as well. We still have trials, stresses and disappointments to contend with but we also know that we can take refuge in the closeness of our love when those events occur.

    I've also found that as our love for each has other deepened, my relationship with God was enhanced as well. Opening your heart for trust, love and closeness with your spouse "opens the door" for Him to bring His Holy Presence in as well. Marriage is a Union Ordained by God, and the more we bring to that Union, the more He Blesses it and us as well.

    Thank you so much for this article, and have a Blessed and Loving Weekend!


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