A Heart in Healing

I’ve had a difficult time adjusting back to East coast time since returning from Arizona on Sunday.  I typically spring out of bed at 5:00am (yes, I’m one of those overly happy and energetic morning people) but this week I’ve been dragging my groggy self out of bed at 6:15.

I have felt off all week-long.  Not just my clock…but emotionally I haven’t felt quite right either.  Yesterday while taking my dog for a walk I asked the Lord what was wrong.  Why don’t I feel like my old chipper self?  His answer:

You’re grieving.

And, of course, the tears came out.

I realized that it wasn’t just my clock having a hard time readjusting.  My heart was having a hard time readjusting too.

Last week, I arrived one morning to visit my dad at the rehab facility. I was about to turn down the corridor to his room when I caught sight of a man in a wheelchair down at the end of the hallway directly in front of me.  I recognized the shirt the man had on.  It looked exactly like a shirt my dad owned.  I walked towards the small and frail looking elderly man sitting in that chair.  My brain was having a hard time accepting what I was seeing.

When I climbed into bed last night, I told my husband that I think my emotions are finally catching up with the reality of the situation.  I wanted so much to be an encouragement to my dad last week when I visited him.  I wanted to be strong for him.   And, I was.

But this week, I grieve.

And you, my friends, get to read about it. You lucky, lucky people. 😉  Writing and talking about it is how I heal and process things.

What about you?  Have you ever been in the midst of the grieving process and not even recognized it.

22 thoughts on “A Heart in Healing

  1. Anne

    Eileen, I feel exactly the same way every time I see my Dad. I can only give him extra hugs and pray extra hard. Praying for you and your Dad too.

    Reply
  2. Tracy

    Yes my friend, I do and had a moment yesterday. My son acted out in school. It was hard to hear and as I drove home I cried and for the first time I missed my mom. You know our story and why I can’t have her help me figure out what to do…I know Holidays and life events are going to be grieving moments as well. All I know is that God is with us sister. It is ok to hurt and grieve… Thankful to know that one day our tears will cease forever… Wish I could be there to hug you. I will be praying for you and thank you for sharing.

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      Tracy, you have been on my heart and in my prayers so much lately. Thank you. Looking forward to the days of no more tears too!

      Reply
  3. Betty Draper

    Eileen…your post touched my heart as I have a mother in a nursing home in Illinois, we love in Ca. now. Since I do not see her every day like my brothers it’s always a shock when I do. My heart says, God it’s just not fair, she so wants to go home to be with you…yet for some reason you leave her here in that state. I grieve daily for her and look forward to the day God takes her out of her dress of flesh and gives her that new body. I don’t share that often but somehow I think you will understand. Thanks for the tears that flowed as I read your post. Blessings

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      Oh,Betty. Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s hard sometimes…all these different seasons we watch our loved ones go through. Makes me that much more grateful for the HOPE we have to look forward too. Hugs to you, friend.

      Reply
  4. bill (cycleguy)

    When my went to be with Jesus in 2004, I hurt. But I didn’t grieve because I had time to process it during my 4-5 hour trips back and forth one way for 6 weeks. Then I also knew she would be reunited with her mom and dad. I grieved more over the loss of a ministry in a church than over my mom. I wonder if that says my heart is hard or misplaced but I don’t think so. I loved those people deeply. Suddenly it was taken away. Fortunately, I had 6 months away, riding my bike a lot that summer (3700 miles) to recover by God’s grace. On another subject: I feel honored that you would want to share your thoughts with me/with us. No, I would say we are the blessed ones.

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      Thank you for sharing your journey with grief and healing, Bill. Love how God uses our love for things like biking (you) and running (me) to help in the healing process.

      Reply
  5. Jessica

    My 54 year old mother suffered a massive stroke unexpectedly in June 2011. It has affected her mentally and is no longer able to fill that “mom” role in my life. The grieving process has not been easy and I still break down at times. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      Thank you for your words, Jessica. That’s got to be rough. My dad’s stroke was a medium size one. At lunch one day my dad and I sat at the same table with a lady who had had a triple stroke and my heart went out to the lady and to her daughter who was there helping her. It’s definitely these seasons when we are reminded how powerless we are and how much we need God’s comfort and peace.

      Reply
  6. Caroline

    Oh, yes. I can understand this grieving without first realizing it. Or grieving something that hasn’t happened yet. It’s emotionally draining.

    Praying right now for you, Eileen. I’m glad you were able to go spend more time with your dad.

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      Yes, Caroline. That grieving over something that hasn’t happened yet is so hard too. Thanks, friend. The time with my dad was priceless.

      Reply
  7. Cheryl E

    Eileen, I absolutely can relate to how you feel. My dad suffered 2 strokes last Dec., just two weeks apart from each other. We had to put him in a nursing home the last part of January this year. I live about 90 miles from him. I do pretty good most of the time with the grieving, but when I go and visit and see how frail he is becoming, it breaks my heart all over again. I am usually supportive and strong when visiting him and then break down and cry on the drive back home. Will keep you in my prayers.

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      You’ve nailed it Cheryl! It’s so hard living far away. It’s hard to grieve fully and both times I’ve gone back my eyes have been opened to this. Thank you so much for your words today.

      Reply
  8. Dave

    My heart breaks for you and my prayers are with you.
    Yeah, I remember when a very important relationship just crumbled. I felt numb – everything was semi normal that first week. But when the pain did hit, it swelled up and felt like I was carrying a baseball in my throat trying to hold back the sorrow.
    Thankfully, mourning eventually leads to joy and the improved ability to walk with others through hard times.

    Reply
    1. Eileen Post author

      Thank you for sharing, Dave. I love the truth you share here. Mourning does lead to joy and being able to walk with others through hard times. All of the comments on this post remind me of the beauty of that fellowship and community. Thank you!

      Reply
  9. Jon Stolpe

    Eileen, Thanks for sharing on your blog. I think it’s important to process these times in our lives. And it helps when we know that others know how we’re feeling. May God be with you and your family these days.

    Reply

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