I am coming up on the anniversary of my mom’s death. It’s been 19 years and I continue to think about her on an almost daily basis. I have been compelled to write about her in many of my blog posts over the past year. It is one topic I never get tired of talking about.
My mom died on a Sunday at 8:30 in the evening. I feel blessed to have been able to sit by her side and hold her hand. In the years following her death, I used to think that there was some sort of unspoken time line about how long you could “grieve” for a loved one and then you somehow needed to move on. You somehow had to get over it. You somehow had to find a way to let go.
Yet, over the years, I have learned that when you lose someone it doesn’t work that way. God never intended for me to move on or to get past the experience. The loss of my mom makes up a part of who I am, it always will. I have watched God turn my deepest hurt into an even deeper assurance in Him.
That Sunday evening, so many years ago, was not the start of a journey teaching me about how to move on and let go…but the start of a journey teaching me how to hold on.