Today, I am excited to have Heidi Avery joining us on The Scenic Route! Over the past year, I’ve gotten to know and love Heidi via the blogging world. She is a wife and a mother to three children. When she is not home schooling, you can find her encouraging other busy mothers over at Mothers On Mission.
A child is born in the world dependent on those whose arms she rests in. In the best of circumstances she is secure in the care of her parents. All of her needs are met. She is without the knowledge of fear.
It is an eventual and inevitable experience or exposure to darkness that invites the feelings of insecurity and fear into her heart.
Lately I’ve wondered where it all started for me and why. What particular moment in my history was security robbed from me and where did fear slip in? Trying to think it through a memory surfaces…
She wasn’t supposed to tell me the news. But she slipped. My sister and I are visiting my grandparents in Iowa for the summer. I know something is wrong, but I can’t put it together. I am nine or ten, I think. At the first mention to my cousin of these concerns five words fall freely from her lips… “Your house has burned down.”
Soon after my parents arrive to drive us back home to Texas. To the burned house. Where everything is, but isn’t anymore. There is no insurance money and my parents decide not to leave the two acre property that the destroyed house still sits on.
A purchase is made for two travel trailers. One is regular looking, white paneled with stripes of some color and setup with its door facing the front of the burned house. My parents stay here. The other is the silver bullet style placed along the side of the house. This one is for me and my little sister. The door faces the pitch-black country night.
And I wonder if it is here. In that trailer, in our new and unusual room, set aside, alone, door closed and locked to the darkness outside that fear snuck into my little girl heart.
I wonder if the loss of everything I knew to the flames and the separation from my parents though just feet away through the onyx night is where insecurity gripped a hold of me.
It must be there. The place that established worry over my safety and fear over my future as my foundation for my every step ahead. And I clumsily muddle along this uncertain road for years and years.
As He reveals Himself to me I gradually begin to understand just who I am in Him. Pieces of His plan unfold behind me and before me. And the journey here, no matter how long or how hard no longer takes me under, but instead it acts beautifully as an irresistible pull to Himself. Where the security I was born with is restored to me again. And the place where fear was once unknown is returned to me again.
I rest in the security of His arms. And He meets my every need.
And though I battle still with fear and insecurity they are no longer my foundation. Just obstacles along the path that keep me connected to the One who continues to cancel them out.
I am at the place where I am honestly thankful for the experience that exposed me to the darkness because it is what He used to show me the light.
After all, what is darkness anyway? Merely the absence of light.