Sometimes it takes having your back up against the wall before you become ready to make the scariest choice in life. In that moment, my eyes were opened. Something had to change. I could no longer live every waking moment in fear. I was living on high alert 24/7 …waiting for the other shoe to drop…and there seemed to be an endless supply of shoes.
I’ve never shared the above thought on my blog before. Those words have been tucked away from the world, in a book that never moved beyond the first 20,000 words. I reached a fork in the road and I wasn’t excited to venture further down the path the words appeared to be leading me. The pages contained too much vomit and not enough health and hope.
I’m not sure if it was the right choice or wrong choice but those book words were put on hold a year or so ago…not from fear of sharing them but from a desire I had to share words that uplifted and healed and not words that stabbed and twisted knives.
I want others to experience what it feels like to be on the other side of the wall. And, ultimately, I want others to be able to drive down the road one day and have that feeling that they are NOW so far removed from the hell they once lived… that it almost seems unreal.
Now those words, I have shared on my blog before. They are from a post from a couple of years ago called The Unreal Feeling.
I bring this all up again because I recently discovered that more shoes had dropped and since I was on the “other side of the wall” and “so far removed”, I wasn’t there to see them fall or feel their detrimental impact. My life continued on, uninterrupted. That popular meme going around the internet comes to mind: “Not my circus. Not my monkeys.”
Last night I was thinking about the world I used to live in exist in and gratitude swept across my heart again. Exist is a much better word than live because, back then, I wasn’t doing much living.
Fear is not conducive to living…only freedom is.
I am thankful for second chances. I am thankful that we can make the scary choice to jump off the rides that are headed towards jagged cliffs. Even though we know the consequences of that jump are going to hurt like hell, the pain turns out to be temporary and a lot less uncomfortable and painful than steep cliffs… or another storm of stilettos pelting us like shrapnel.
For anyone who feels as if they are trapped with no way out, for anyone who is living in fear of what’s next, my prayers go up and my heart aches for you. Today, don’t believe the lie that you do not have options that will lead to healing and freedom. You do have those options and don’t you dare give up until you find the door that leads you there. Because I want you to feel that cool grass under your feet and that fresh air hitting your cheeks again.