Sometimes it makes me sad though, Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend. ~ Red, Shawshank Redemption
This morning, I thought about this scene from my favorite movie. I love how those words hold both beauty and sadness. Last night, for the first time in a very long time, I had this desire to pick up the phone and call my mom.
Right before recognizing this was the feeling I was having, there was a sort of restlessness inside me. I couldn’t place it. I realize that, sometimes, I miss my mom and I don’t even realize that that’s the dull ache I am feeling. There’s something missing. There’s this piece of beauty that your soul quietly longs to lay eyes on again.
My life, nowadays, is filled with joy and beauty…lots and lots of it. My life is far from empty. And for that, I rejoice. I am grateful for the blessings all around me. Yet, those moments of missing my mom make me more aware of the absence of something beautiful and precious in my life. And, yes, that sometimes makes me sad…even 22 years later.
The other day my husband and I were talking about his mom. She went home to be with Lord in June. We talked about how loss is filled with mixed emotions. We are glad our loved ones are no longer suffering, but we still ache for their presence. We still ache to see, and feel, and touch that beauty again in our lives.
I’m sharing this today because, well, I’m a writer. This is how I heal. I attempt to put my ache into words. Today, I want you to know, that if you are missing someone, especially if the wound is fresh, I’m so very sorry. As much as we know that death is part of this life…it really doesn’t make it any easier, does it? But, my hope today is that if that ache threatens to consume you that you will choose to run straight into His outstretched arms. Because I know from experience that He can overwhelm you with a peace, and a comfort, and a joy that this world is incapable of supplying.
This morning, I also thought about the very last scene in Shawshank Redemption when Red is finally reunited on the beach with his friend, Andy. The camera pans away as they embrace. I’ve always wanted that scene to play on and on. I’ve always wanted to see more of that beautiful moment, not just a glimpse.
When I think about God’s promise in Scripture, that this life is not the end, I feel the same way.
I can’t wait to see more than just a glimpse, Lord. I can’t wait to see the story play on.
I can’t wait to see my friend again.
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess because He who promised is faithful.” ~ Hebrews 10: 23
I read Jennifer Dukes Lee’s beautiful post on loss today on #TellHisStory and decided to link up. If you have a chance, please head on over and read it.